Marrying Black, Marrying Up: on Michelle Obama, interracial marriage and strong, black women 

Yes unfortunately this is perception, but Michelle Obama is different http://www.examiner.com/x-19673-Michelle-Obama-Examiner

I watched the video and liked the structure of it and the artistic side of it, however the message was somewhat lopsided in favor of focusing on the pain of black men and on WHY many bm view non-black women as desirable mates. Why wasn't there more on WHY many bw view wm as desirable mates? There are always at least 2 sides to every coin?

And what about the pain of bw then and NOW? I get so tired on hearing ONLY or mainly about what African American men endured historically or are going through now. What about what AA women endured? Why is it always as if ONLY the males suffered? Black women were NOT frolicking on the lawn then or now! This is what I mean by the slanting of the video to focus mainly on the suffering of black men.

Some of the perspectives in the video were mindboggling. One woman said that it's somewhat surprising that ONLY 7 out of 100 black men marry white women, well considering what wm have done to bm historically, I find that an amazingly high number. LOL! Also, if it's an act of rebellion for bm to love and marry ww, then why isn't it also seen as an act of progress for bw and wm to MARRY--since once upon a time, a wm wouldn't MARRY a bw. Why wasn't that aspect discussed or focused on at all? There were tremendous social and legal penalities for even trying such a marriage. Lives were at stake. As one of my southern bm cousins said to me when I told him I was marrying a wm: "Well, it's about time wm started marrying bw because they're been sleeping with y'all long enough!" And I agree.

Now if only we can get bm to marry the bw they're sleeping with!!

So I thought the video was one-sided and seemed to be designed to whip us sympathy for the poor black man. This is not meant to be critical of you or other producers of the video. This is just my candid opinion.

Also in response to the black guy who said he couldn't marry a ww since he didn't want to walk on eggshells (paraphrasing) around her when it comes to racial issues, I find it interesting that so many black people ***think*** that a black spouse HAS to walk on egg shells around the white spouse. This is NOT true in all cases. I don't ever have to walk on egg shells around my white husband because I would NEVER do that. I express myself--my pain or distress about any racial situation. He holds me and comforts me just like my black husband did. (This is my 2nd marriage). I don't blame my white husband for what racist whites did or do so I don't feel uncomfortable talking to him about racial issues that impact me and the children and him indirectly.

(sighing) Typically, so many AAs think that just because they feel a certain way, they seem to project that belief on all AAs as if ALL AAs feel that SAME way or most likely feel that way. LOL! There doesn't seem to be any recognition of the fact that we are ALL different people and might possibly have had different experiences that have shaped who we are today. That black guy was apparently very angry and in LOTS of pain. It probably wouldn't be wise for him to spend much time around whites until he can work through his anger or just avoid whites as much as possible. As long as he's angry like that, white people have still got him around the throat. He's allowing them to still control him. I would never want to spend much time with a bm who is angry like that and I wouldn't want him as a father to my children. What kind of role model could he be? I'd actually be afraid to allow my children to spend time with their father if he were angry like that and in that much emotional pain. Also, he seemed to be depressed. I think that many angry AAs need lots of therapy because they feed that anger to their children who then also become victims of it.

I am not angry with white people. If I'm angry at anyone, it would be AAs who are throwing away all that our ancestors struggled and died for. Anger is a luxury that AAs cannot afford until AFTER we have "overcome'--if even then!!! I don't think the way many AAs think. I am different mainly because of my southern upbringing but also I think it's because I've spent most of my adult life not living among AAs. I've lived mostly among West Africans here and in Nigeria and among middle class whites here. I have had very different experiences than those of lots of AAs most of my adult life. Typically, when I'm around AAs, I'm always the one who's trying to talk them away from their anger, depression, and lack of motivation to do progressive things, etc.--just like on my site (http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com) It's always me who's always telling them, "Come on! We can do this or that!"

Many AAs these days seem to WANT to hold on tight to their anger--as if it gives them "power" or something. Or are they still grieving? I've noticed that many times, AAs will actually fight to hold onto their anger!!! Do you understand why that it? I don't understand it. It's almost like they want to RE-LIVE slavery and Jim Crow!! It seems they enjoy suffering? It's so odd. It's almost like they're FROZEN in that time period--emotionally.

Even many young AAs I encounter are like that. I think it's because many older AAs have passed on this trauma to them and made them believe that you can't be authentically "black" unless you're angry and in pain--SUFFERING. I'm so glad that my AA relatives didn't instill that anger in me. Instead, they focused me on "forward-thinking." AAs are not going to make any REAL progress in this angry condition. Sure, a few will, but the bulk won't. In the video, the anger is being rationalized almost as if the aim is to get whites to understand that blacks are angry. I find it so sad that so many blacks are always trying to get the attention of whites--to get them to understand the anger--almost as if whites are their lovers.' LOL! I'm not sure why. The fact is that, IMO, whites in general don't give a rat's butt about the anger of AAs. Whites are caught up in their own stuff and they have lots of stuff to deal with.

Also, the Africans from the Continent I've encountered don't think much about AAs either. Both groups are focused on themselves. They simply try to limit their contact with AAs because of that seething anger that so many AAs can barely suppress--like that guy. Yet so many AAs seem to always think that other folks are ALWAYS thinking about us. LOL!!!

Anyway, I could write a book about all of this, but most AAs get angry when I try to point this out. So I don't usually talk about it with them. The point of my site is that AA women are living in 2009 and want to be loved and married now or in the future. They can't go back to the past and change history. I think that the vast bulk of AA women must adapt and look forward OR they're doomed. Since so many AA women have been indoctrinated with the "black man only" program and have mainly socialized ONLY with AAs, it would be easier for many AA women to marry an AA man. However, since it's obvious that so many AA men are not on the same level of AA women and/or don't want to marry or commit to AA women and raise families with them, the women MUST look into other populations of men in the global village for Quality men--IF marriage is a priority for them. I'm not a magical thinker. I'm a realist.

Evia