President Obama—The Sex Education Father; An open letter on inauguration day

Dear Mr. President,

 We all congratulate you on this amazing achievement; it is our victory, as much as yours, as you have often reminded us. Moving into the White House and getting the US house in order after years of bad leadership, corruption, failed opportunities, and pure dumb ignorance is going to be a challenge you will thrive on. Today, as you spoke to the country and took your oath of office, you highlighted the importance of science in decision making. What science shows in relation to sex is unequivocal, and it is time to usher in a new era of healthy sexuality that is grounded in science, truly comprehensive in scope and that speaks to all Americans—inclusive of, not regardless of, our differences in age, faith, race, culture, gender and physical ability.

Please remember sex education as you get into the work of making America “stronger.” To quote your own words, our policies on abstinence only –or “ignorance only,” as I have referred to them for years—must be changed; “there is a better way.” We have the solutions for progress and we can work together to improve life for all.

As a father, too, you will understand the need for truly comprehensive sexual literacy can make a huge difference in the lives of your daughters and all of society—now and for the rest of their lives. You will want them to grow up with healthy sexuality; that is what our whole species is about; the integration of intimacy, attachment, well-being and pleasure—for couples and for children and even for the country. You support marriage and have said that marriage workshops can make a “real difference in helping married couples” come together and by “encouraging unmarried couples who are living together to form a more lasting bond” (Audacity of Hope, page 334).

We have the opportunity then to provide the tools for lifelong sexual literacy for all children and all couples today, gay and straight.  As you have said so forcefully in your last book, social conservatives “want a return to a bygone era” in which sex outside of marriage was “subject to both punishment and shame”…and those who failed to live up the standards of “sexual propriety” were bullied into a small dark corner our society. You have said that you “applaud parents, congregations and community programs that transmit” the message of young peoples “showing more reverence toward sex and intimacy” (page 335). Many sex educators and researchers would agree.

So let’s give young people the benefit of what the great majority of their parents and churches and communities do not provide them with--sexual literacy. All the research for 50 years suggests these institutions of society are not doing that job. The harm that this gap causes is huge and growing—staggering HIV rates, increasing teen pregnancy, and an epidemic of STDs among young women—some as young as your daughters.

Without accurate knowledge or emotional literacy, young people lack even the appropriate language and words to discuss these sensitive topics at the right time and place. They are going to make mistakes that could be prevented –-unintended teen pregnancy, HIV infection, syphilis and gonorrhea infection, date rape and sexual violence that mares their lives forever. Blame is not the issue; it will not bring back the beauty and richness and integrity of life for these damaged lives. We can do better.

There is a great divide now between rich and poor in this country, as you know, but it trickles down into a terribly vulnerable place for young people nowadays—their sexual illiteracy. It is not right that only wealthy people’s children who attend private schools get quality sexual literacy. This form of extended segregation creates and then fills up the vacuum with shame, fear and silence. We need to end this unequal treatment for middle class and working class children who attend public schools by giving them sound knowledge and the tools needed to have healthy sexuality lifelong. And that includes giving the support and respect needed to principals and teachers who have been hounded for years and made scared to death of teaching sex education in the right way.

 Mr. President, you can lead the healing in this process. Organizations such as Planned Parenthood, the National Sexuality Resource Center, SIECUS, and Advocates for Youth have been out in the cold for years and years trying to heal this country’s tragic sexual ignorance. You can make a different in the coming 4 years—for all of our children, and for all who aspire to uplift this country into the bright light of literacy, science, education, reason, and faith—yes, inclusive faith that recognizes the role of sound sex education in how all of us can grow up right, and contribute mightily to society, or grow up twisted by hatred, shame and fear. Help us make this a time for new beginnings in that most sensitive and difficult of areas—our sexual well being.

Sincerely yours,

Gilbert Herdt

Director and Founder

National Sexuality Resource Center