The Politicization of Sexuality

I got the chance to sit in on an interview of Stephen Elliott, author of My Girlfriend Comes to the City and Beats Me Up. He shared so many things that struck me to the core: beside his panty-wearing proclivities and penchant for dacryphiles (people who get pleasure from watching other people cry), he brought up the increasing need to get our sexuality out of the confines of our private minds and into dialogue .

He articulates it in the introduction of his book: "It is in everyone's best interest for more people to be open about their sexual desires.. We can't wait for the approval of others.."

It reminded me of the increasingly powerful "moral crusade" that right wing politicians are on: cutting away at reproductive rights and limiting free sexual speech (whether it be porn or erotica-bearing podcasts or adult nursing relationship online groups). There's a community of kinky people who are little known and whose rights are diminished often without the knowledge of others who lead more "normative" lives. But we're all kinky people - at least a little!

It began to hit me recently that we human beings need affirming touch and that for so many of us, the truth is that sex may be the only time we have physical intimacy with or access to touch from anyone. I thought about how powerful that was. I thought about how much more powerful and passionate our sex lives can be if there is unapologetic communication and openness going on in our bedrooms (and kitchens, garages, showers and whereever else you're enjoying your sexuality). I'm one of those people who believes that hot, communicative, pleasure-centered and giving sex is the solution to all the world's problems.

When I think of the treatment that sexuality gets in our every day lives, it baffles me. We don't talk about sex even though we're all thinking about it. Our vocabulary for the discussion of sex is limited and filled with throat clearing, giggles, pre-school euphemisms (not that I don't love calling my pussy a noo-naa from time to time!), and blushes. The media profiteer from the mere mention of sex and yet perpetuate unhappy sex by inundating us with messaging about being too old, too thin, too fat, too poor, too short, not "hot" enough or "normal" enough. We don't know the names of half the things between our legs or how they work. Most women have never looked at their pussy and most men settle for dispassionate treatment of their cocks. I realized that looking at our and our partners' sexualities with curiosity, reverence and openness makes sex so sacred and fucking hot.

So, this week, tell a friend too much information and encourage them to do the same. Find out what your epididymis is. And write a letter to an abstinence advocate telling him/her to fuck themself.