My partner and I come from very different backgrounds, and we were raised with different values. She was raised and is Catholic, she grew up in the suburbs of Maryland, and her parents never talked to her about sex except to stress that it was something you waited for until marriage. Oh, and that she is supposed to be in a relationship with a man, but that’s a whole different story. I was raised in the CA Bay Area in a city, being exposed to many different kinds of people, without religious influences, with a mother who was very willing to discuss sex with me, and with both parents encouraging me to move in with someone before deciding to marry them. Because of these opposing values, I often worry that we have considerably different views about how to raise our future children when it comes to sex education, but amazingly we actually we do agree on some of our core principles.
We both agree that our children should be taught how to use contraception properly, in addition to the correct success rates of contraception. At the same time, we agree to encourage our children to practice abstinence in sexual intercourse with the opposite sex. So, essentially, we both are in favor of what is generally termed “comprehensive sex education.” We both believe that no matter how much we stress waiting to have sex (until when is still up for debate between us), that our kids, and kids in general, are going to do it anyways, so we better give them the tools to do it safely. Also, we are both in agreement over masturbation being something positive. I, however, would like to help our kids have positive feelings about sex. My girlfriend does not want to go there. My girlfriend thinks our children will figure out pleasure and non-intercourse sex on their own, and so there’s no need for us to encourage it. I disagree. I want our kids to know that sex is something that is pleasurable and fun, and I want them to be comfortable with their own body, talking with their partner, trying new things, and setting limits.
But at least we are in agreement on the basics, and when we actually have these currently fictionalized children, we will deal with their more specific questions as needed.
