Doing it Comfortably

I am lazy. I am one of those people who will sit through an episode of a TV show I hate because the remote is missing and I'm too lazy to get up and change the channel manually. I have seen way too many episodes of Two and a Half Men this way. Teaching my dog to find his own toys was my best idea ever, and I’ve totally taken the bus one block before. I know. It’s pretty bad.

The other day I was sitting on my couch, watching Simpsons, and massaging my back with my electric back massager because trying to use my hands sounded like a lot of work. I don’t have a very long attention span, and after a few minutes my mind began to wander along with the electric massager. I take off my sweatpants and was all ready to go when a certain thought crossed my mind, “Should I take off my socks too?”

This comment took me by surprise since it was just me in the room and comfort, which includes wearing socks at all times in my freezing apartment, is one of my top priorities. This got me thinking about how culture shapes ideas of what is sexy and what is not, and I came to two major conclusions: First, that people don’t really consider flannel sexy, and second, physical comfort during sex is more likely to be achieved if one is mentally comfortable during sex.

The flannel realization was a tough one to accept. I’m one of those people who is always cold, and being wrapped in flannel is one of my favorite warming methods. My sheets were made of flannel as a child, and they were so awesome on freezing winter nights in Minnesota. I love to wear flannel long johns under my pants on rainy days because it keeps me warm. However, I have never thought about flannel as sexy. I guess this is the way I have been taught to approach sex. Flannel is a big part of my life, but usually it disappears during sexual activity. Most of the lingerie available in society is made of satin and lace, while flannel is typically used for nightgowns, boxers, long-sleeved pajama sets, and slippers. There have been cold nights when I left my flannel long johns at home because my pants might be coming off later. Despite my love of this fabric, I know the consequences of wearing flannel over to your partner's house; even if they don't find it unattractive, I'm still going ot get shit for it because flannel is just not culturally sexy. Flannel is something more associated with masculinity in our culture, and so it is kept out of the realm of femininity and lingerie. We are taught that only hot lumberjacks can pull off flannel, and this is unfortunate for cold-blooded, non-lumberjacking types like me.

My second thought that physical comfort is positively correlated with mental comfort was less crushing. If you feel comfortable with yourself in your sexuality, you are going to not be concentrating on your discomforts and will be able to enjoy every part of the moment. I feel like many people forget about this simple correlation of comfort even though it is a big part of sex positivity. I notice this more and more as I talk to people outside of sexuality studies, remembering that not everyone talks about sex as much as we do. Many people are uncomfortable expressing their sexuality, and this might inhibit them from experiencing different desires they might have for fear of being viewed as sexually deviant by others. However, once a person understands these desires and accepts them as a healthy part of their sexuality, some of the discomfort might be resolved. This occurs when people deconstruct their internalized ideas of what is sexy and what is not and form new ideas of what has the capacity to promote pleasure. It’s like how morning sex tends to be better the more you know somebody. The longer you know them, the less irritating their morning breath becomes, and the likelihood of morning sex increases. Your levels of comfort adjust to the situation, and this includes mental and physical comforts. The more comfortable you are, the more comfortable you will be.

Humans have been taught to believe that sex outside of marriage will result in negative consequences, and this has created a society in which we are afraid to express ourselves sexually. I say bring on the flannel lingerie. Human beings work hard, and we deserve to be comfortable in every aspect of our lives, especially in our sexuality. Until more people realize this, I will just be waiting for the flannel trend that's so popular with hipsters to hopefully make it's way into the bedroom.