Why I’m such an Angry Faggot

Over the weekend, I caused a bit of a stir on my Facebook page when I posted the following update:  “Christopher White wonders why straight people like to take over queer spaces.  Actually, not wonders, but FUCK OFF!”  I was a bit surprised when some of my straight friends reacted to this statement, and I felt a need to explain. My explanation seemed to fan the flames of the discussion, and I marveled at the gays vs. straights dialogue that unfolded. 

Here’s the deal.  On Friday, a brief filed by the U.S. Department of Justice defending the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) hit the blogosphere.  Many of us felt that this brief took the defense to a heinous level by using court cases regarding incest and pedophilia to support upholding this discriminatory legislation and wondered if the ghost of administrations past (specifically W’s admin) had taken a role in drafting the brief. It stated that homosexuals were not denied any rights or had any rights taken away by DOMA.   If we want the rights afforded to married couples, all we have to do is get married – to someone of the opposite gender.  Spending the day reading the brief and the many interpretations and opinions had not left me in the most loving of moods.

Later that night, following several conversations regarding the ways that queer people get treated in our society, I met some friends at a gay bar in San Francisco to drink some beer and dance my cares away only to be confronted by large groups of straight (white) hipsters engaging in an idiotic ritual of chanting “shot! shot! shot!” then cheering when the shot was downed.  It was offensive and oppressive, and I wanted them to get out of our queer space.  Would I have been offended by a group of gays doing this?  Probably. But there is something that is very straight, very white, and very male about this ritual, so it pissed me off.  Hence the original post on Facebook. 

The discussion that followed has lead me to realize that there are a number of folks out there who really do not get it when it comes to our fights for social justice.  As I’ve stated on this blog previously, I believe that every person has the right to marry the person or persons of their choosing, but marriage is not the answer to the problem that is bigotry, racism, classism, and homophobia.  I mention this because I have realized that many of my straight friends and allies (as well as many of my middle class and mostly white gay friends) don’t get that what we’re really fighting for is an end to discrimination and oppression as well as social and cultural equity and that marriage equality is just one part of that – one small part that is highly publicized and heavily funded by money that could be used for HIV prevention and treatment, providing access to housing and health care for highly marginalized LGBTQI folks, and a plethora of other issues that need immediate attention.

But back to the issue of straight people in queer space.  Some straight people have spent a great deal of time and energy hurting us.  As young children, we were called names, bullied, assaulted and told that being queer was pretty much the absolute worst thing that a person could do or be.  We fought to overcome feelings of shame and guilt about our sexuality and had to come to term with who we are and who we love and who we want to have sex, often at the cost of family, friends, financial resources, and much needed love and support for some.  As we have gotten older and gay rights, issues regarding AIDS, and marriage equality debates have played out on the national scene, we have had to defend ourselves from bad science and lies that insinuate or just stated that we were disgusting, sinful, sick pedophiles who were to blame for the downfall of this country and society.  And the expectation was that we would just keep fighting and fighting and fighting taking blow after blow. Never give up.

As we all know, there was a brutal campaign to support Proposition 8 in California over the past year.  We had to sit and watch as advertisement after advertisement scared voters by telling them that their children would have to be taught about us in their schools and that churches would lose their tax-exempt status for discriminating against us.  And we had to defend ourselves by saying that wasn’t true and that those were just lies and scare tactics. (Instead of saying “HELL, YES!” you have to teach about us and our struggles in schools and that churches need to pay taxes if they are promoting discrimination and/or engaging in political activism.)  We even had to watch our own anti-Prop 8 campaigns make statements about how it was okay to not think that same-sex marriage was okay but “you don’t want to take away anyone’s rights, right?”  Fuck you.

This hurts us.  It slashes into our souls and makes us hemorrhage. We are left wounded, defeated, and sometimes feel like lying down to die.  Straight people – I ask you to think about what it must feel like to have your life, your very existence discussed and debated in an open forum.  Forget about the negative, hateful rhetoric for a second.  Just think about strangers talking about your life and debating your rights on television.  Think about the public being allowed to vote on how you live or what rights you have.  This alone is enough to make you feel as though you weren’t as good as everyone else.  Now add the vitriol and hate – sulfuric acid thrown into an open wound.  Think about being told that you are worthless, sick, disgusting, horrible, sinful, nasty, and not even worthy of living.  Now think of this happening every single day of your life.  You might start to feel just a little angry.

When I hear stories of black transgender women being murdered and the media failing to pick up the story and the white leaders of the LGBT movement failing to speak out against this horrible crime, I feel sick and angry.  When I hear stories of a lesbian dying alone in a hospital room with her partner of twenty years and biological children being denied the right to be by her side, I feel sick and angry.  When I read a story about a child killing himself because he was ridiculed as suspect of being gay, I cry, and I feel sick and angry. 

I get asked why I’m so angry.  Now, you know.  Please don’t ask me to stop screaming and yelling when I hear someone call someone (usually me) faggot or dyke. I know it’s not always safe to speak out, but I have to do so. Please understand that if I get pissed because my queer space is invaded by straight people it’s because I need, we need sanctuary.  And please, please, please don’t just give lip service to gay rights and don’t just show up at a march.  I need for you to get pissed off.  We need for you to get pissed off.  When you see me start acting crazy and ready to riot, don’t tell me to calm down. Pick up a stick.  Start screaming like an insane person.  And let’s scare the hell out of them.

We have a long, long way to go before achieving social justice for marginalized populations in this country.  We aren’t going to do it by always being nice, and we aren’t going to do it by focusing solely on marriage equality.  Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you for continuing to help us make the world just a little better.

Lovingly,An Angry Faggot

p.s., here's something interesting and worth reading.  The Dallas Principles.