I learned it from watching Porn!

I had planned to blog about ex-gay ministries and reparative therapy after attending a survivors of the ex-gay movement session at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force's Creating Change conference just over a week ago.  It had gotten me thinking about my own experiences with "therapy" when I was a teen dealing with my sexuality, and in particular a social worker who I think may have had some unscrupulous intentions during my sessions.  I decided to do some internet research on the ex-gay movement and was fascinated to learn that all of those underwear ads, porn, and masturbation are probably what lead me down the sinful path of the homosexual lifestyle. In light of this revelation, I've decided to put off the ex-gay stuff for a rainy day (don't worry, I'll tell you all about that rascally social worker another time).  Instead, I thought I'd ponder pornography for a bit...

For my dissertation work, I explored young men's experiences with sexual learning during childhood and adolescence.  As you can imagine, the men in my study reported getting information from a variety of sources including parents, school, church, and peers - the information from all these sources was often confusing and contradictory.  There was one source that most of them talked about that left little room for confusion or misinformation and was often the source that cleared up a lot of the confusion generated by everyone and everything else in their lives.  Yes, it was porn - specifically watching porn videos on vhs/dvd or the internet.  And one of the most fascinating aspects, in my opinion, is that they generally reported viewing porn in groups with other boys their age. 

A google search of pornography and sex education resulted in quite a few articles about the evils of pornography and the harmful effects of viewing pornography.  While I agree that basing one's expectations of the real world on what you see in porn can be problematic, particularly commercial porn, I'm just not convinced that pornography is as awful as some folks want us to believe.  So...one article found that perpetrators of sexual violence viewed porn - what about all of those people who used porn who didn't perpetrate any violence?  Another talked about the effects of violent and/or degrading porn while pointing out that this type of porn makes up only a small percentage of available commercial pornography and that R-rated films were more likely to have depictions of rape and other forms of sexual violence than porn.  Hmmm?  Why are we okay with violence in movies and television but god forbid that we might see Bart Simpson's weiner?!? 

I came across some of my favorite articles about the evils of porn from the ex-gay and religious right websites from my original research into the ex-gay movement.  I learned that I am very likely addicted to porn.  And that porn and my use of underwear ads in JC Penny and Sears catalogs as masturbatory aids were the most likely culprits of my eventual (at age 17) descent into becoming a full blown homosexual who would rate a six on the Kinsey scale.  I don't think it's really true, but just in case, thank the goddesses and gods for inventing porn and underwear ads!  (psst! Here's a secret.  If you're a teenage boy  trying to figure out if you're gay or not, choose magazines like Hustler over Penthouse or Playboy that way you can pretend to be checking out the hot chicks while really drooling over the hot hunk of man!)

There was a story published in the Austin American Statesman not too long ago about a man who was trying to "quit pornography" (apparently, he had been looking at online porn and masturbating - that never happens. eventually, his shame and guilt along with his wife's admonishments had gotten to him.) He tried cold turkey and when that didn't work joined a church group to help him get over his "addiction."  The story concluded with his telling of how he "hit rock bottom" when he and his wife came home and found their sixteen year old son looking at porn on the internet and masturbating.  Gasp!  The father blamed himself and enrolled the family into some serious family counseling (can you imagine the trauma and embarassment that teen must have faced?).

In contrast, not too long ago, I got a call from some friends of mine whose son was thirteen at the time.  They had discovered that he had been searching for and viewing porn on the family computer. They weren't freaking out or ready to send him to military school.  Instead, they wanted to know what they could say to him to make sure that he understood the difference between reality and pornography (to which I responded, just tell him that).  What if this was the reaction that all parents had?  What if we told boys and girls that lots of people looked at porn online and many people used porn for masturbation (and that there was nothing wrong with masturbating)?  Maybe we could provide them with some critical skills for viewing porn such as reality vs. fantasy, body image, sexual and gender roles, etc. In light of the limited amount of information about sexuality and most importantly sex instruction that students received in their schools or home even in so-called comprehensive sex ed classes, pornography, when viewed with a critical eye, might just be one of the best tools for learning about sex and sexuality. I know it's got to be a lot better than the lies and scare tactics used by some groups to ensure that we keep our sexuality nice and repressed (and probably more likely to engage in all sorts of negative risk taking and harmful behaviors as a result).