This past weekend, I volunteered during the Folsom Street Fair at the transmen4men (tm4m) booth sponsored by Eros, TRANS:THRIVE, and Trannywood Pictures. Tm4m is a discussion, event, and resource program for transmen who play with men. A call for volunteers went out a few weeks ago and I’d been looking forward to participating ever since. All in all, the event was really fun. I spent most of the time handing out flyers promoting tm4m. On the flyer was a sexy cartoon transguy with the words ‘Top 5 reasons to fuck a transguy’ (that’s another blog entirely). When I handed out the flyer, I received lots of positive responses like “I only need one” and “Hell yeah!” What I wasn’t ready for, or rather, was naïve enough to think that at a sex positive space like the Folsom Street Fair wouldn’t occur, were the disgusted looks and inappropriate questions from some people. Mostly, once I handed someone a flyer, they’d read it, and maybe look back and smile, laugh, or give a thumbs up. Others took the flyer and read it, then scrutinized me with some the rudest stares I’ve ever encountered. Most of the stares, and subsequent questions, revolved around...

Imagine a scene with two, or more, hot, sweaty men getting naked, kissing, giving each other head, and then  fucking without using a condom.  One guy might be a dirty pig bottom and only gets fucked - maybe by two, three, or more guys.  Or maybe they switch it up and take turns fucking each other.  There's not much talking - none of that "yeah, buddy, take that cock" stuff.  And there's no music. No lame house music track over the sex sounds or worse some cheesy porn muzak that is supposed to make you feel romantic. It's just fucking. Raw fucking. Grunting, moaning, sweating, skin glistening, turning red. sofly repeating "yeah, yeah, yeah" or "oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck" under the breath - the perfect soundtrack.  And then the cumshots. Some guys will pull their bare dicks out and shoot on the other guy's ass, back or face. Or he'll cum in the other guy's ass and watch as it slowly leaks out. Fantasy? Reality? Both? Does it matter?

Whatever it is, it would likely be labeled as "bareback sex" or just "barebacking". Just thinking about it gets me all hot and bothered and needing to cool off.  And, yeah, I think it can be a turn on, too, within certain contexts.  Mostly, I get upset at the linguistic and political connotations of this label more than I do about any personal or public health concerns that might arise. 

The term "bareback" came into use in the late nineties to describe men who actively sought...

Since I was a little boy, Ive had a penchant for dressing up in outrageous and flamboyant outfits - Halloween and costume parties have always been my favorite celebrations!  Maybe it's the gay gene or the fact that my parents and grandparents felt comfortable with me slipping on a pair of vinyl go-go boots or making a dress out of sheer curtains with a little dab of red lipstick to complete the look that got me started, but I love getting dolled up and gender bended and heading to a party or out on the town. It's so much more fun than wearing an Abercrombie t-shirt, a pair of designer jeans, and flip-flops (and who wears flip-flops to a bar anyway? unless, of course, it's a dress made out of flip-flops a la Priscilla Queen of the Desert!).  of course, there's always risks involved in dressing up to go out, usually involving drunk frat boys looking to start a fight or the occassionally inappropriate or ill-chosen outfit for the occasion - the latter can normally be overcome with a little chutzpah and a drink or two. A few weeks ago, I headed out for some barhopping in San Francisco with some friends wearing a vintage sailor's top, jeans, and a pair of candy apple red, knee high, lace up platform boots that I'd recently purchased at the marine surplus store in Provincetown.  We had a great time laughing and  making new friends, until I learned that a lack of practice walking in platforms combined with a few beers and a spilled drink can lead to what...

Photo: My friend, Ginger, expressing himself at Pride (photo by Tom Kern)

Well, make that my first FULL San Francisco Pride.  Last year, I was in New Orleans for the annual meeting of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists up through Saturday night, but I was in town for the big Pride event at the Civic Center on Sunday.  In 2009, however, I was able to be part of the full experience of Pride in San Francisco – what is really a week long (some would say month long) series of parties, rallies, marches, and parades.  Quite frankly, it blew my mind.

Maybe it was the heat (85F  - I’ve gotten soft since I left Texas) or maybe it was feeling worn out after months of being beaten down by the constant fighting against the right wing or the infighting among the different segments of the queer community or maybe it was the consistent feelings of disappointment we’ve experienced with the Obama Administration’s lack of action regarding LGBT civil rights that made everything feel so intense and real.  Even my seasoned SF Pride friends said that something seemed different this year.  Maybe despite the events of the last twelve months, we feel a sense of real hope that there is the real possibility of change – and not just regarding marriage,...

A couple of weeks ago, I attended the Sex::Tech Conference sponsored by the Internet Sexuality Information Services (ISIS), Inc. that focuses on youth, sexuality, and technology; one of the more innovative and amazing conferences I've ever attended.  I've gone both years that this conference was convened and have learned more in a couple of days than I learn in most single months (sometimes longer) and have been consistently impressed with the incredible work being done around the country with youth, sexuality, and technology.  At the same time, there seemed to be a disconnect between the academic presentations, which were not nearly as cutting edge and exciting, and the more innovative and interesting technology and community presentations, which often lacked the  scientific evidence and theoretical framework to support the programs.  To me, this speaks of the greater need for  collaborations between academic institutions, community organizations, and technology companies, both large and startup.  Let's save this issue for a rainy day.

Today, I want to start a conversation about what I experienced in some of the more academic-focused presenations, mostly presentations of epidemiological data and behavioral research: an overarching theme...

I had planned to blog about ex-gay ministries and reparative therapy after attending a survivors of the ex-gay movement session at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force's Creating Change conference just over a week ago.  It had gotten me thinking about my own experiences with "therapy" when I was a teen dealing with my sexuality, and in particular a social worker who I think may have had some unscrupulous intentions during my sessions.  I decided to do some internet research on the ex-gay movement and was fascinated to learn that all of those underwear ads, porn, and masturbation are probably what lead me down the sinful path of the homosexual lifestyle. In light of this revelation, I've decided to put off the ex-gay stuff for a rainy day (don't worry, I'll tell you all about that rascally social worker another time).  Instead, I thought I'd ponder pornography for a bit...

For my dissertation work, I explored young men's experiences with sexual learning during childhood and adolescence.  As you can imagine, the men in my study reported getting information from a variety of sources including parents, school, church, and peers - the information from all these sources was often confusing and contradictory.  There was one source that most of them talked about that left little room for confusion or misinformation and was...

When I came out to my very loving, supportive and well-intentioned parents during my youth, they were worried that I would have a harder life because of being gay. They had no clue where to turn for accurate, dependable information, resources and research that would help them in their journey to understand and support me. They were terrified and felt alone. They didn’t understand that how they reacted to me (with acceptance, tolerance, rejection) would have a direct impact on my future health and mental health.  They couldn’t then realize that how they reacted would directly impact my ability to live, thrive, merely survive or even consider suicide. They were never trained in how to deal with my developmental needs. They couldn’t make recommendations about doctors and therapists appropriately trained to work both with me and with them. They never learned how to address the social/peer victimization I was facing and they never learned how to talk about my being gay with our ultra conservative family members. To this day, they still struggle with how to maintain loving relationships with their own friends and our family who reject me and their acceptance and support of me.

According to my mom, I was a "good little boy" who didn't cry much and seemed to be happy most of the time. I was a small boy with strawberry blonde hair and a smattering of freckles across my face. My mom has told me that I was very sensitive to how others were feeling and that I was always very curious.  I started talking and reading fairly young and often drove my parents and grandparents to the brink of insanity with my constant questions of hows and whys about the world and how things worked.  I remember being allowed to play dress up in high heels and makeup, and spending hours in the kitchen alternating between creating new recipes (all of which my brave grandmother willingly tasted) and dissecting the hearts, gizzards, and other organs that came with the turkeys cooked for Thanksgiving dinners.  I didn't care much for sports and preferred to spend my afternoons putting on puppet shows or switching between playing beauty shop and operating room in my grandmother's front bathroom where my clients and patients were one and the same (you always want to have gorgeous hair when having an appendectomy!).

I also remember being treated differently than other children at a very early age.  Okay, maybe I was a little weird and precocious, but I noticed that there was something about me that made parents...

According the the U.S. Department of State Dec. 10, 2008 press statement, "Today is the 60th Anniversary of the adoption of the United Nation's Universal Declaration of Human Rights, a document that affirms the inherent rights of people everywhere and enshrines basic freedoms of thought, expression, peaceful assembly, religion, and association." The statement goes further to say, "The United States stands in solidarity with the brave men and women around the globe who work to defend human dignity and advance the cause of freedom."

Really? Most of us gay Americans would argue that the U.S. Department of State has a very long way to go within its own borders in standing in solidarity with us to affirm our human rights.

This is why today is also the perfect day to let America experience a National Day Without Gay.

In the year 2008, 60 years after Article 7 of the Universal Declaration said, "All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection under the law....and the family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State", the State of...