Photo: My friend, Ginger, expressing himself at Pride (photo by Tom Kern)

Well, make that my first FULL San Francisco Pride.  Last year, I was in New Orleans for the annual meeting of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists up through Saturday night, but I was in town for the big Pride event at the Civic Center on Sunday.  In 2009, however, I was able to be part of the full experience of Pride in San Francisco – what is really a week long (some would say month long) series of parties, rallies, marches, and parades.  Quite frankly, it blew my mind.

Maybe it was the heat (85F  - I’ve gotten soft since I left Texas) or maybe it was feeling worn out after months of being beaten down by the constant fighting against the right wing or the infighting among the different segments of the queer community or maybe it was the consistent feelings of disappointment we’ve experienced with the Obama Administration’s lack of action regarding LGBT civil rights that made everything feel so intense and real.  Even my seasoned SF Pride friends said that something seemed different this year.  Maybe despite the events of the last twelve months, we feel a sense of real hope that there is the real possibility of change – and not just regarding marriage,...

A couple of weeks ago, I attended the Sex::Tech Conference sponsored by the Internet Sexuality Information Services (ISIS), Inc. that focuses on youth, sexuality, and technology; one of the more innovative and amazing conferences I've ever attended.  I've gone both years that this conference was convened and have learned more in a couple of days than I learn in most single months (sometimes longer) and have been consistently impressed with the incredible work being done around the country with youth, sexuality, and technology.  At the same time, there seemed to be a disconnect between the academic presentations, which were not nearly as cutting edge and exciting, and the more innovative and interesting technology and community presentations, which often lacked the  scientific evidence and theoretical framework to support the programs.  To me, this speaks of the greater need for  collaborations between academic institutions, community organizations, and technology companies, both large and startup.  Let's save this issue for a rainy day.

Today, I want to start a conversation about what I experienced in some of the more academic-focused presenations, mostly presentations of epidemiological data and behavioral research: an overarching theme...

I had planned to blog about ex-gay ministries and reparative therapy after attending a survivors of the ex-gay movement session at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force's Creating Change conference just over a week ago.  It had gotten me thinking about my own experiences with "therapy" when I was a teen dealing with my sexuality, and in particular a social worker who I think may have had some unscrupulous intentions during my sessions.  I decided to do some internet research on the ex-gay movement and was fascinated to learn that all of those underwear ads, porn, and masturbation are probably what lead me down the sinful path of the homosexual lifestyle. In light of this revelation, I've decided to put off the ex-gay stuff for a rainy day (don't worry, I'll tell you all about that rascally social worker another time).  Instead, I thought I'd ponder pornography for a bit...

For my dissertation work, I explored young men's experiences with sexual learning during childhood and adolescence.  As you can imagine, the men in my study reported getting information from a variety of sources including parents, school, church, and peers - the information from all these sources was often confusing and contradictory.  There was one source that most of them talked about that left little room for confusion or misinformation and was...

When I came out to my very loving, supportive and well-intentioned parents during my youth, they were worried that I would have a harder life because of being gay. They had no clue where to turn for accurate, dependable information, resources and research that would help them in their journey to understand and support me. They were terrified and felt alone. They didn’t understand that how they reacted to me (with acceptance, tolerance, rejection) would have a direct impact on my future health and mental health.  They couldn’t then realize that how they reacted would directly impact my ability to live, thrive, merely survive or even consider suicide. They were never trained in how to deal with my developmental needs. They couldn’t make recommendations about doctors and therapists appropriately trained to work both with me and with them. They never learned how to address the social/peer victimization I was facing and they never learned how to talk about my being gay with our ultra conservative family members. To this day, they still struggle with how to maintain loving relationships with their own friends and our family who reject me and their acceptance and support of me.

According to my mom, I was a "good little boy" who didn't cry much and seemed to be happy most of the time. I was a small boy with strawberry blonde hair and a smattering of freckles across my face. My mom has told me that I was very sensitive to how others were feeling and that I was always very curious.  I started talking and reading fairly young and often drove my parents and grandparents to the brink of insanity with my constant questions of hows and whys about the world and how things worked.  I remember being allowed to play dress up in high heels and makeup, and spending hours in the kitchen alternating between creating new recipes (all of which my brave grandmother willingly tasted) and dissecting the hearts, gizzards, and other organs that came with the turkeys cooked for Thanksgiving dinners.  I didn't care much for sports and preferred to spend my afternoons putting on puppet shows or switching between playing beauty shop and operating room in my grandmother's front bathroom where my clients and patients were one and the same (you always want to have gorgeous hair when having an appendectomy!).

I also remember being treated differently than other children at a very early age.  Okay, maybe I was a little weird and precocious, but I noticed that there was something about me that made parents...

According the the U.S. Department of State Dec. 10, 2008 press statement, "Today is the 60th Anniversary of the adoption of the United Nation's Universal Declaration of Human Rights, a document that affirms the inherent rights of people everywhere and enshrines basic freedoms of thought, expression, peaceful assembly, religion, and association." The statement goes further to say, "The United States stands in solidarity with the brave men and women around the globe who work to defend human dignity and advance the cause of freedom."

Really? Most of us gay Americans would argue that the U.S. Department of State has a very long way to go within its own borders in standing in solidarity with us to affirm our human rights.

This is why today is also the perfect day to let America experience a National Day Without Gay.

In the year 2008, 60 years after Article 7 of the Universal Declaration said, "All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection under the law....and the family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State", the State of...