Sex and Silence 

The Reverend Dr. Carlton W. Veazey has been President and CEO of the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice (RCRC) since 1997 and is a minister of the National Baptist Convention U.S.A. Reverend Dr. Veazy's full bio. More Sex:Positions.

A pastor's view

It’s fair to say that most people leave their sexuality at the door when they go to worship. Organized religion and sex have had an uneasy relationship. Generally, religion has either ignored human sexuality, treated it with suspicion or discomfort, or made people feel guilty about it. While notable progress has been made in the past 15 years in talking about the birds and bees in Sunday school and from the pulpit, the fact is that much more needs to be done, and soon. In a society such as ours that is awash with sexuality in all forms, silence is dangerous and harmful.  

I’m committed to breaking the silence about sex and sexuality in religious communities. I’m a Baptist minister and I know that clergy of diverse faiths believe that sexuality is a sacred and blessed part of human life, a gift of God, to be used with reverence and joy. Why, then, is there such a wall of silence around sex in our congregations?

There’s no one answer to that question, but certainly many pastors and congregations don’t want to raise a potentially divisive subject such as sexuality. Some fear it will seem they are giving permission to teens to have sex or are condoning non-marital sex. Many worry that frank discussions of issues such as homosexuality will cause irreparable divisions in the congregation. But the reality is that houses of worship no longer can avoid speaking up about sex and sexuality if they want to be relevant and meaningful. High rates of HIV/AIDS and teenage pregnancy, the rampant spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), the high rate of suicide among gay and lesbian teens, date rape, domestic and sexual violence, divorce and other family issues—religious institutions have a responsibility to equip people to live in this world. 

In the Black Church, the silence about sexuality was so deeply embedded that congregations were ignoring the devastating impact of soaring teen pregnancy and HIV/AIDS rates on their communities. In the mid-1990s, a group of African American pastors decided it was no longer possible—or moral—to ignore these facts of life, and we set out to open a dialogue based on our religious values that would help people better understand their sexuality. We called this project The Black Church Initiative – now The National Black Church Initiative – and it has flourished for almost 14 years under the auspices of the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice.

There are many lessons from The National Black Church Initiative for other faith communities as well as professionals in fields such as health and sexuality education.

•    Teaching youth about sexuality in a values-rich context is far different from sex education in public school. Religious leaders who have developed denominational programs say that when young people see their sexuality as being a gift from God rather than something forbidden or sinful, they are less likely to abuse it. Bringing sexuality and spirituality together can result in teenagers taking a greater sense of responsibility for both.

•    Religious institutions have a unique role to play in teenage pregnancy prevention. After schools, religious institutions serve more teens than any other community agency, and they are specifically empowered to do so from a moral perspective. Almost nine in ten teens report having a religion.

•    With well over 50% of teens sexually active, millions of young people wrestle with issues such as contraception, unintended pregnancy, abortion, and HIV/AIDS every day. If institutional religion simply does not talk about sex, young people may conclude that religion is removed from their passions and experiences. That is a troubling feeling for a person of any age struggling with painful personal experiences. It is far better to be open and frank about sexuality so that people understand that sex, like all aspects of life, has a sacred place in their faith.

•    With more than 800,000 teens in the United States becoming pregnant each year, it is clear we need better sexuality education. Religious support for responsible sexuality education is long-standing. Many denominations and some faith-focused organizations have developed a sexuality education curriculum incorporating their religious values. The United Church of Christ and the Unitarian Universalist Association have a comprehensive program called Our Whole Lives (OWL) that includes education from childhood through adulthood. “Keeping It Real!” - the Christian sexuality education model developed by The National Black Church Initiative – provides African American youth ages 13-18 with information and opportunities to reflect and clarify their values and goals. Religious educators, parents, and youth report high levels of satisfaction with these programs.

Clergy and religious educators, religious institutions, and basic religious values can make an enormous difference in the lives of adolescents and adults today. Breaking the silence about sex and sexuality in your own congregation is a good place to start. You can take the first step by talking to your own clergyperson. The Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice is just a click away - info@rcrc.org - to help you get started.

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